To Grey or not to Grey...
There are some things that have happened that are beyond my control. Pregnancy weight gain. I tried very hard not to gain a pound extra but alas. Extra boobage, also due to pregnancy. I thought it would go away once I stopped nursing. Nope! My hips have shifted. My feet grew half an inch bigger. I have a raisin look alike fora lower abdomen... all out of my control. Now, to top things I am getting gray hair. Not in the back. No. Up front for all to see! Some are even so independent that they stand up and go in a completely different direction altogether.
Yes, it's a part of getting older. I am not ashamed of getting older. I actually never thought I would make it this far in life, so I'm happy. However, I am turning forty with a four year old. I don't want to look like an old mom. Or, as the doctor would refer to me while I was pregnant, an "older mother". Note to Doctors: No woman likes to be referred to as older. Especially when they are waddling around with a new life inside them. Ahem, what was I saying? Oh! Yes!
I am quite a bit heavier than I would prefer and I have lost myself a little when it comes to confidence and style. I wear the clothes that fit instead of the ones I actually want to wear, which makes me feel somewhat self conscious, which makes me withdraw and become more introverted and shy than I already am! It's all a vicious cycle and until you take one of the things off the wheel you don't see any hope. Just a swirling vortex of unending doom and gloom.
So. What are the things that I can fix? Weight. Stop eating the bad stuff. Get out and exercise. Ok, I can do that. But, it takes time and meanwhile I still feel crummy. Next. Wardrobe and style. Well, see Weight. Still feeling crummy. Confidence. See the two aforementioned subjects. Still. Crummy. Gray? Ah! Now we are on to something! Is it vain? Probably. Do I care? Not really. Do I want to be enslaved to a chemical process every four weeks or so? No. But, for now I will do what needs to be done.
I thought I was bigger than this. That I was confident enough to embrace my gray. I'm not. Not yet, at least. For now I am coloring my hair so that I can get the boost to eat better and work out which in turn will make shopping for clothes a bit more fun, which will make me smile more and walk a little taller. It's an immediate boost and I'm taking it!
So, honey. Thank you for loving me in all of my life's stages. Thank you for telling me you think my little glimpses of silver are sexy. I believe you truly feel that way and I appreciate you more than you know! But... move over and hand me that color! ;)